on the 11th of the 11th one of my best friends ended his battle with a series of highly unfortunate events, he lost, and for quite a long time until about a month ago i believed it to be my fault.
at a younger age, he was a paramedic in training, and he responded to a major accident involving a drunk man and another vehicle. the drunk man, of course, being at fault yet somehow unscratched if a bit sick. upon arriving at the other car, the scene he described, was gruesome at best, and traumatic throughout. it was described by him as such "i went to the store on my dirtbike and when i was about 3/4ths the way there, I got to an MVC scene. I was concerned about the fact no cops had come yet so i (being the young nurse i was in spirit at that time) went to check on the accident. Somehow i didnt recognize his car immediately (how could i though, there were fucking pieces everywhere and it looked like an accordian)". it was his older brother, who he was incredibly close with. it traumatised him, as it would have with anyone. and on 26/09 i messaged him in the middle of the night after seeing him online, i asked him how he was and he told me he was contemplating something, my naive self asked him what it was, and he told me about the accident and told me about how it was all going downhill and he didnt have anything to live for. that night he shot himself in the head while talking with me, despite me trying to convince him not to. after me non stop texting him, on the 28th his status changed, he had been in a coma after hitting a non vital part of his brain, they removed the bullet successfully but discovered something more ironic, a pulmonary embolism was making its way to somewhere vital and they needed to commit him to surgery then and there. the surgery was a success... almost. on 11/10 he complained about a rash. the next day he tells me he was diagnosed with sepsis. fun fact about sepsis, every hour its untreated lowers the chance of survival astronomically... they caught it after a week. he died on 11/11, in the hospital he worked at, alone, after losing his mind to sepsis. i just felt like if i convinced him to not to make an attempt on his life, that things would have been different, that it would have gone better, that i could have helped. but now i know i couldnt have, sadly.